RSVP etiquette for guests and hosts: what "please reply" really means

RSVP comes from the French "répondez s'il vous plaît": please reply. It sounds simple, yet it is the part of an invitation people most often get wrong. Here is a short guide for both sides.

For guests

Reply quickly

Answer within a week of receiving the invitation, and always before the deadline. Hosts book food, chairs and sometimes paid seats based on your answer.

"No" is a perfectly good answer

You don't need a long explanation. A warm, short reply is best:

Thank you so much for inviting us. We're sorry we can't make it, and we hope you have a wonderful day.

Plus ones and children

If the invitation names you only, you are invited alone. If it says "and guest" or shows two seats, you can bring someone. If children aren't named, assume the event is adults only, and don't ask the host to make an exception.

If your plans change

Tell the host as soon as you know, whether you now can come or now can't. With an online invitation, you can usually change your reply from the same link.

Don't just "maybe"

A maybe is useful only when there is a real reason (a work shift not yet confirmed) and you promise a final answer by a date.

For hosts

Make replying easy

One clear button, a visible deadline and no more than three or four questions. The fewer steps, the more replies you get.

Set a realistic deadline

Three to four weeks before a wedding, one to two weeks before a birthday or dinner. Put the deadline next to the reply button, not at the bottom of the page.

Follow up kindly

About a week before the deadline, send one friendly reminder to those who haven't answered:

Hi Sam, just checking you got our invitation for Saturday the 14th. Could you let us know by Friday? It helps us plan the food.

After the deadline, a personal message or a quick call works better than a third reminder.

Be clear about who is invited

Put names on invitations and seat counts on the reply form. Personal links remove most awkward "can I bring..." questions before they are asked.

Say thank you

Thank guests who replied, and especially those who came. A short message after the event is always appreciated.

Good etiquette on both sides makes every event easier. einvitation handles the reminders and tracks every answer for you, so you can see how it works.